VA to Dublin

I was surprised by the lack of traffic chaos around Washington, it felt like a normal weekday afternoon. I dropped the car off in good time and caught the courtesy bus to the Dulles airport departures terminal. I was the only passenger, and as such I had no-one to follow... should I tip the driver? Tipping in the US is something I have a lot of trouble understanding... There seems to be an infinite number of categories, levels and options... some optional, some not, all expected, none negotiable, wouldn't it be easier if the server told you what the tip should be? Is it just me?

I arrived in departures on time, having three bags to check in, one over the check in allowance, could have meant an expensive departure from departures but the check in staff suggested that I carry on two bags. I asked for a seat change suggesting the emergency door seat but they were all taken, she gave me a window seat and told me that the plane was only half full. I took that as I'd have an empty seat next to me, next time I'll remember to ask.

After check in I joined a very, very long queue to get through security. After a few minutes I was asked, along with about twenty other "adult" passengers to follow a security officer. This could be either very good or very, very bad. As a well known UK TV news presenter was among the group I felt we were going to be spared the dreaded rubber glove and were in fact led to a fast track security area. Within minutes we were through and with a smile and friendly word not normally associated with Dulles airport security I was way ahead of schedule. That usually means an extra beer or a little more shopping, but I found myself so far ahead that I had one of each!

Boarding was fast, helped by the fact that I was polishing my second beer as the final call announcement was been made. Fortunately for that beer, airline announcements were not broadcast in the bar and I wandered up to the gate as the last passengers were boarding. Walking down the isle I saw few bobbing heads on my side of the plane, just the way I like it. There's nothing quite like an empty seat beside yours when flying, it's like having extra living room: you can't really use them at the same time but it's great to have somewhere to put extra stuff.

As I was getting my bags organized a I notice a large guy making his way down the isle, he looked like he was carrying a small country in a variety of boxes and bags as he lumbered down the isle muttering on his cell phone so I stepped in to let him pass. To my horror he stopped beside me... we were neighbours, next chair neighbours.

Still muttering into his cell phone he poured himself into his chair. I'm not racist but this guy is no marathon runner. My first thought was how to get out of there? I immediately began formulating plan for escape. I popped my head up and had a good look around with view to switching seats soon after takeoff. To my horror, yet another horror, the flight look full. Did the check in girl lie to me? She was gorgeous so that wasn't an option. Perhaps the next compartment was near empty, there was only one way to find out... as soon as we've taken off I'll somehow get past this beached whale and check it out.

In preparation I tucked my iPod into the book I was reading in case I found a seat so that I needn't return. The fasten seat belts sign remained on for a lot longer than expected, in fact so long that the in flight service started and had arrived at my seat at precisely the same time that the seat belt sign was switched off, what are the chances of that?

The flight attendant handed me a bag of pretzels, more stuff to carry during my escape! He offered me a drink which I had to refuse. I have only two hands and an amazing inability to multitask... I was stretching things by carrying a book, iPod, pretzels and my dignity, adding a drink would have undoubtedly lead to a comedy moment, a moment I couldn't afford.

The mobile bar had both isles covered and they were moving towards the rear, my route was cut off. Patiently I waited for a clear run before making a run for it. As minutes ticked by I couldn't help thinking that any free seats at the back must surely be gone by now. My thoughts were interrupted by quite snoring, my neighbour had fallen asleep. Now I had to wake up this guy to get past him, could it get any worse.

Then I noticed the smell, a musty, damp smell. It seemed to be coming from my neighbour, it was as if he was wearing a suit that had been hanging in a damp wardrobe for years. I just couldn't get past this smell, it started to really annoy me and hardened my resolve to the out of there.

About five minutes later the cabin crew has passed my row and the way way clear. I made my apologies, said I'd be right back and with my book, iPod and pretzels I made to the isle, I was out! I made my way to the rear section of the plane and to my relief, joy and excitement there were lots of free seats. It was like winning the lottery, I had hit the jackpot! This was the best possible outcome, how often does this happen? After checking with flight crew at the back of the plane I settled into my new detached window seat.

After about ten minutes I started to feel guilty. That guy was expecting me back, after all I said I'd be right back. I had to do the decent thing. I made my way back towards my old seat to deliver the good news... "I'm going to sit with some friends and wouldn't be back for the rest of the flight, you've got a free seat next to you" I told him. He grunted which I interpreted as "OK" and I made my way back to my new home. Yes, it was a little white lie but it's hard to tell a 250 pound giant that he smells, that I don't like him and would rather sit in the toilet than sit beside him. He could have turned nasty, and it's a long way down from 33,000 feet!

Thanks to a strong tail wind we landed in Dublin about an hour early. Thanks to Dublin Airport we were stuck on the tarmac for 30 minutes before a stand could be freed up for us. Thanks to baggage handlers we had a 20 minute wait for out luggage. Having arrived an hour early we managed to get out of the airport much later than our scheduled time... welcome home!